Once again, we are asking you to get the word out (THG #5 of 20)
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Dear reader:
We at the Hindustan Grimes firmly believe in bringing you the freshest and most relevant news stories, right to your inbox. We filter and condense the best grime from the crimes of the times and present it to you in three neat stories a week.
We've been writing to you for a month now and we need your help in reaching more eyes. Yes. You, our beloved reader, are the only one who can help. Forward this email to your friends. Share the link on your choice of messaging and/or social media service. Meet people (virtually, not physically) and tell them about it. And if this is the first issue you're seeing, subscribe by clicking here. Follow us on twitter @grimeswastaken2.
This week, we bring you a mish mash of news stories from Science and Entertainment. The highlight: we cover a groundbreaking study on dihydrogen monoxide, a critical chemical in our daily lives.
Yours arbitrarily,
momo & eggsy
"Water is wet": groundbreaking research from TIC finds
Research team next working on proving the lack of visibility of air in the 380-700 nm spectrum
Chennai, January 2021: A study conducted by a team from the Technological Institute of Chennai, Chennai, proved unequivocally that water is wet, and can hence be used to smoothen surfaces. The National Sciences Council called the research ‘groundbreaking’. "This further proves the resilience of our scientists, and proves that our grants have actually paid off. The applications of such a breakthrough are enormous," the council said in a statement.
The research team, headed by Dr. K.P. Vinod, sat down with The Grimes on Google Meet for an exclusive interview. "This is the result of almost 19 years of hard work. This is a career project," said Dr. Vinod. "Establishing the wettability of water means that water can now be used to wash surfaces, as water droplets can attach to particles while rolling off a surface. It is only a matter of time before the commercial aspects of the same are realised." The research was published in a journal named Water Research, managed by the International Water Association.
Dr. Vinod also profusely thanked the National Sciences Council for their funding, and continued support. "Their funding has helped us make this discovery. This is the start of India's glorious revolution," he said. He also clarified that the funding was used to pay stipends to two interns who worked in the Vinod Water Lab for 18 years. The extended version of this interview can be found on our Patreon.
Multiple government agencies put out press releases praising the research. The Agriculture Ministry confirmed that the research would be used to improve water shortages faced by certain parts of the country, though they refused to delve into specifics. The health ministry confirmed that the research would be used to stop the spread of communicable diseases, while the defence ministry confirmed that they would find similar applications. Both these ministries also refused to delve into specifics, saying that the research was being kept under wraps for the moment. An additional grant application was released by the Department of Science and Technology on behalf of the National Sciences Council, asking researchers to use water's wettability to halt the spread of SARS-nCOV-2 on epidermal surfaces.
Meanwhile, the International Water Association (IWA), which oversees the journal that accepted the publication, praised the research team. "None of what they submitted in their publication was technically false. Additionally, none of these properties of water have been established in any journal. Our editors had no choice but to print all of their work. The research is, we must admit, ground breaking," said Dr. Wachowski, press in-charge of the IWA.
Talk Delivered on Nobel Prize winning work from Faculty of IIT Madras
Work done by researchers; Presented by IITM Faculty
Chennai, January 2021: The Faculty Association of IIT Madras and the Office of the Alumni and Corporate Relations, IITM have come together to organise a faculty colloquium under the newly formed working group, Nobel Talks at Gajendra Circle. Due to the presence of multiple Covid 19 active cases in the institute campus and the consequent curfew introduced, the actual talks have had to be shifted to Google Meets instead. (Zoom refused to send quotations; was deemed too expensive.)
"We wanted to be noble like the Stoics. Yes. We sent in applications for a dais and a lectern and possibly a theatre to be set up at the Gajendra Circle but the administration did not acquiesce. However, this has not dampened our spirit. We shall continue with our pursuit for knowledge." said AGK, the charismatic secretary of the faculty association, with an air of gusto.
Recently, the second talk in a series concerning the recent works which were awarded the Nobel Prize by IIT Madras faculty was held. The talk was about the contribution of Prof. John B. Goodenough to the design and development of Lithium ion Batteries, which won him the Nobel Prize in Chemistry in the year 2019. His expertise in solid state physics and magnetism had led to a systematic investigation and development of cathode materials suitable for LIB applications.
Quick searches by the editorial team revealed that Prof. Goodenough had no affiliations with IIT Madras. Many, including us, were duped by the dubious titling into getting hyped up for such pioneering research being done in such close vicinity to us. Enthusiastic, and slightly proudly patriotic, students were disappointed nonetheless.
In essence: Pioneering work was done. A Nobel Prize was awarded. Meanwhile, IITM faculty are talking about it.
Dubious, and sometimes downright false, claims aren't a new occurrence in the scientific world, which is essentially the world. While it is easier to see how money can be a persuasive motive, propping up charades like Theranos, which, at one point, was worth billions of dollars, there exists the call of fame, a motive just as strong. A 2009 systematic review and meta-analysis of survey data found that about 2% of scientists admitted to falsifying, fabricating, or modifying data at least once. [1]
References
1. Fanelli D. How Many Scientists Fabricate and Falsify Research? A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis of Survey Data. Tregenza T, editor. PLoS ONE. 2009;4: e5738. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0005738
Bombshell audio leaked from a meeting between a director and Bollywood EP
Govinda cast by Marvel to play Prem Parker in Spider Man 3: Very Very Far From Home
Mumbai, January 2021: Director Apoorva Singh, who made a name for her cinematography with a few hit Indie films on YouTube, was laughed out of a meeting with Bollywood Executive Producer S.R. Ranawana, based on audio obtained by The Hindustan Grimes. Ms. Singh had suggested production of a biopic on renown physicist and mathematician Satyendranath Bose of Bose-Einstein-Condensate fame. After Ms. Singh completed her pitch, she was asked if she had a dance choreographer in mind. She replied that she didn't intend to have any musical numbers in the film, and was laughed out of the room at once. "You can't produce a movie without musical numbers. We don't do that here," said a laughing Mr. Ranawana.
"I suggested a story with a substantive plot, and I made the radical suggestion of not having music numbers," Ms. Singh told us later on a phone call. "I am considering self-producing this film. The backlash has been substantial for a seemingly non-controversial idea." Ms. Singh was referring to the statement put out by the chair of the Dance Bollywood Union, who didn't mince words. "We request all Executive Producers associated with our union to boycott Ms. Apoorva Singh. The last thing we need right now is movies without dance numbers, this would affect the employment of our dancers." Dance Bollywood is one of five unions that provide dance extras to major Bollywood musical numbers. The other unions were unavailable for comment, with one union representative telling us, off the record, that all this noise was simply politics. "Yes, the number of musical numbers has been going down. But so has the quality of movies. There will be a resurgence, wait and see. There's no need for anyone to make any noise."
After the audio leaked, actor and blackbuck enthusiast Salman Khan reached out to The Hindustan Grimes to make a statement on the issue. "My next movie, which will release in mid-2022, will have a huge dance number. We plan to set a Guinness record for the same. I am reaching out to you to alleviate concerns people have about the decrease in musical numbers and hence employment." We reminded Mr. Khan that we were an English satirical news outlet, and that we had very minimal readership, to say nothing of our readership from members of Bollywood Dance Unions. When we said that his message wouldn't reach his intended audience, he cursed and hit the accelerator on his car before hanging up. We were unable to reach him for further comment.
Meanwhile, Bollywood producer Shyam Shyamala confirmed that Aamir Khan would star in a biopic of G.N. Ramachandran of Ramachandran plot fame, and that the movie would have at least 5 musical numbers. Alia Bhatt has been cast as his wife, Rajalakshmi, much to the chagrin of the Tamil Nadu film industry. We reached out to multiple Kollywood producers for a comment on the same. One of them, who chose to remain unnamed, said resignedly, "Is it not enough that she was in 2 states? In how many more movies will she butcher Tamil?"
The Grimes’ Definitions of the Week
Easement: When you have to let your dad into your room coz you have the only working PC in the house and he needs to chEcK hIs EmAIls. Commonly confused with foreclosure.
Foreclosure: When your sister stops paying for the netflix, so you kick her off the family account and sell her profile to one of your friends at a discount. Commonly confused with asset recovery.
Asset Recovery: When your dad buys the latest flagship phone from the pretentious company, and so passes on his old phone to you. Commonly confused with inheritance.
Adiós,
momo & eggsy