Suez Crisis 2: Electric Boogaloo (THG #14 of 20)
This sequel is more dramatic than the original.
Dear reader:
Welcome to another issue of The Hindustan Grimes, where we add enough preservatives and refrigeration, and ship it over email, so you don't have to worry about our news not being fresh off the boat.
This is now the 14th issue of the Hindustan Grimes. Tell us what you think about it, or what you'd like to see stories about by reaching out to us on email or Instagram. Or else, just enjoy, Happy Reading!
It might seem, at first look, that we are late to the Suez Canal story. But we bring you two competing, and exclusive exposes about the real reasons for the blockage. We'll leave it up to you to decide the true reason. We also bring you a very heartwarming story from Hubli.
Yours shallowly,
momo & eggsy
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Competitors claim Suez blockage an Amazon.com conspiracy to bankrupt them
New Editions of ENT Textbooks to refer to auditory canal obstructions as 'Ever Givens'
Suez, March 2021: The blockage of the Suez Canal by the Ever Given has had wide reaching implications. Medicinal supplies were delayed, perishable goods were delayed, and livelihoods suffered as a result. But, of the many international conglomerates that depend on the canal for transportation that suffered, there was one name that was conspicuously missing: Amazon.
Nile, an African and East Asian online shopping and web services behemoth, claims that the blockage was part of a conspiracy by Amazon, their direct competitor. They went on to claim that Amazon had activated this nuclear option because Amazon, famous for their aggressive anti-competitive strategies, had not met their sunk costs quota for the '20-'21 fiscal year. Hence they activated the option right at the end of March. They went on to claim that Amazon's internal handbooks designed sunk costs very literally, as it seemed that they were okay with their packages sinking to the bottom of the ocean if it meant significantly delaying the global supply chain.
While we were unable to confirm this 'nuclear option' from the Amazon internal handbooks, we were able to reach out to monetary experts who, upon analysing Amazon data from previous quarters, were able to confirm that Amazon does have a sunk costs quota, and that the delay caused by the Suez blockage caused an increase in sunk costs of 2%, and Amazon would still not meet their cap on sunk costs by March 31.
Meanwhile, the crisis has had a boom for the local economy, attracting large swathes of tourists. The Egyptian economy is projected to see a marginal uptick as a result, for the first time since COVID. Simultaneously, Egypt has also registered a marginal uptick in COVID cases, with public health officials claiming that the upticks are related.
The increased tourism has made the spot a target for franchises which want to open additional branches. One of our freelance correspondents, KD, confirmed to us that Adyar Anand Bhavan (A2B) opened an outlet in the area, to service all the workers stranded by the blockage. Hotel Saravana Bhavan was denied contracts over a reported 'precipitous drop in quality over the last decade', as claimed by the all Indian crew of the Ever Given. They were reportedly happy with the service provided by A2B, and the branch manager has stated that they will stay open indefinitely.
Alleged conspiracy between Mission: Impossible Producers and Egyptian Govt. officials to block the Suez Canal
Church of Scientology defends Cruise, claims this is a plot to delegitimise Scientology
Cairo, March 2021: The Egyptian Ministry of the Interior confirmed on Friday that it had launched investigations into Paramount Pictures, Tom Cruise, and related parties, following allegations of fraud and bribery. This is the second controversy the Mission: Impossible franchise has run into in recent years, following the Polish bridge controversy. As the story unfolded before us over the last week, we were not able to believe what our sources told us.
Reportedly, Cruise and Christopher Macquairre, the film's director, had approached Egyptian authorities for permission to block the canal off to film a stunt sequence on the canal. The stunt, sources reveal, involved shooting a swim chase scene, with Cruise swimming behind a submarine for the 193 km stretch of the canal, partly underwater. Cruise reportedly likes to outdo himself, and after the helicopter chase sequence last time, he felt a submarine chase was what he'd need to accomplish that.
The chair of the Suez Canal Authority (SCA), Mr. Mahsood, refused to grant authorisation to Paramount for this sequence, stating that such a blockage would be unprecedented and in violation of multiple international treaties. Afterward, the Additional Deputy Chair of the SCA for Enforcement of International Treaties, Mr. Mamish Fadel, struck a deal with the corporation off the books. Mr. Fadel reached out to a ship captain he knew, the captain of the Ever Given. Mission: Impossible 7: The Mummy Returns to Egypt will release in theatres this November, with Tom Cruise playing the titular role.
Once the blockage occurred, the chair of the SCA granted Paramount permission to shoot in the interim. The shoot was completed over ten-and-a-half days. However, the Interior Ministry found the timing suspicious and is now investigating Cruise for fraud and bribery. If charged, Paramount could face huge fines, and top officials could face prison time as well as civil suits.
This move to swim across the Suez comes after Cruise's plans to be the first conventional movie actor to film in space were squashed, with Zack Snyder's Martian Manhunter beating him to the punch. Cruise and Emily Blunt were originally set to star in a movie which was supposed to be filmed on the International Space Station. However, the plan was placed on hold due to budgetary constraints and the COVID19 pandemic.
EdTech Grassroots Aggregator Dot-com Baju's Disrupts Market
Vow not to be another brick in the paywall
Hubli, April 2021: A locally grown educational technology start-up, Baju's-dot-com, has gone viral in the last fortnight. The banner advertisement free platform acts as an online classifieds board for local tuition teachers for school-going children. Generating revenue only through small fees collected from advertising teachers, they expect to turn profitable with scale.
It all began as a small group project in the TiE Young Entrepreneurs Program 2020. The project brought together 23 tuition teachers in the city to advertise their classes on their platform and saw a significant spike in student enrolments after. It was no surprise when the group were awarded first place in TiECON Hubli 2021. Following an incubation of two months, the company has now gone national.
"Our platform unites all the small and fragmented tuition teachers across the country. It gives those tuition teachers who teach just 10-15 students a fighting chance against the big companies with all their million dollar marketing teams that can build big enough lies and stories and endorsements," said an emotionally charged Ms. Doddamani, co-founder and CEO of Baju's.
Parents in the city believe that Baju's offers the personal touch that is so essential in education and that which is morbidly lacking in both over-crowded schools and "online education". "The teachers at school don't have enough time to pay attention to my kid and repeat and explain subject matter. That is why my kid now goes to Ms. Hosmani's classes to clear his doubts and practice," said Mrs. Hanchinmani, an involved parent. Ms. Hosmani has added 5 new students to her tuition classes after listing on Baju's.
In just two days of national operations, over 200 tuition teachers from all over the country have listed their classes on Baju's online platform. The CEO further envisions to add services for hobby/extracurricular trainers soon. Expected categories of classes to be found on the platform include dance, drawing, music, martial arts, and more. With such an open platform, imagination alone is the limit.
The Grimes’ Definitions of The Week
Deadline: When you try to call your friend in the past but his pet has chewed through the phone cable. Commonly confused with obsolete tech.
Obsolete tech: When a foreign government tries to hack your databases but all your databases are in ink even you can't read. Commonly confused with securing nationality.
Securing Nationality: When you're one of seven sisters and you refuse to build tents for the abusive neighbour's kids. Commonly confused with national security.
ꯐꯖꯟꯅ ꯆꯠꯂꯨ!
momo and eggsy