Adding True before some phrases can make them more innocent (THG #6 of 20)
~ A true crime enthusiast, probably
Dear reader:
Welcome. The Hindustan Grimes brings you the ups and downs, the longs and shorts, but most regularly, the crashes, of the news churning agency of the world: the world itself. We attempt to see the humour in the world, and we hope you do too. And we hope you are more funny than those people who arrest comedians for making jokes.
This week we bring you three stories comprehensively covering the disaster that is our judicial system. We hope we can avoid any contempt charges. Eh, who are we kidding, there's hardly anyone reading this.
Yours comprehensively,
momo and eggsy
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HC Judge Notes the Astounding Number of Pending Cases in 500-page Opinion Piece
Lakshyadweep HC Judge tries joining online panel discussion; fails due to bad Jio connection.
Bombay, February 2021: Reputed Bombay High Court Judge, Dr. Adinath Someshwar, has returned from his two month sabbatical with a strongly worded opinion piece on the worsening case of the judiciary in the country. The opinion piece was expeditiously published in a special edition of the Indian Law Review, titled "You Ain't Got Served? Oops."
The comprehensive, and possibly exhaustive, 500-page monograph begins and ends with the dismal situation of the pendency of cases at all levels of the judiciary. There are instances mentioned where suspects, after being denied bail, have spent more time in imprisonment awaiting trial than the maximum prison term carried on their charges. Even among those who have been convicted, hearings for appeals have been pending longer than their sentences. While no one wants to take away the right to appeal, the "chronic pendency of criminal appeals" is a major challenge to the judiciary system.
There is a significant correlation between pendency of cases in a region and the judicial vacancies. Many high courts have vacancies of over a third or more of the sanctioned strength of the court. Some of the district and taluka courts are worse.
"Jobs for upholding the law, and in some places, upholding the law itself, is just not in vogue," says Dr. Someshwar. "With a population of over 1.3 billion to look after, reform is needed to attract more human resources toward taking positions in the judiciary."
There are over 3.4 crore pending cases in the District and Taluka courts of India, 78% of which are more than one year old. There are more than 85 thousand cases which have been pending execution for over 30 years now. There are over 85 lakh pending cases in the High Courts of India, 85% of which are more than one year old. Even in the Supreme Court, there are over 60 thousand pending cases.
Many prominent members of the judiciary have come forward praising the monograph and have written editorials about it. "It is high time for reform in the judiciary," said a judge from the Mizoram High Court. Meanwhile, the ongoing strike in Jantar Mantar calling for reduction in work hours for judges continues.
Judge dismisses rape-murder charges; scolds victim for lying dead and not filing FIR
Judge contacted by ABC studios for an Indian reboot of How to Get Away with Murder
Prayagaraj, February 2021: The Allahabad High Court's Judge Rajesh Kumar Behera dismissed a rape-murder charge during a bail hearing, much to the protests of the victim's family, citing the time taken to file the FIR. The judge ordered the Prayagaraj Police to release the accused, Sujan Gupta, from judicial custody at once. He also suggested that Mr. Gupta file a civil suit against the victim's family for judicial harassment.
"The victim should not have been lying dead for so long, she should have approached the authorities. Filing reports with the police is of utmost importance," the judge said. "Indian people must always confer with the police. Our police have the greatest integrity in the world. Have you guys watched Singham or CID? That's how trustworthy and integrous Indian cops are. It's your fault for not approaching the police sooner. Being dead is no excuse." The victim's family refused to speak to the media.
Activists released a google document with plans to organise a march to the Allahabad HC to protest this move, and the plans were circulated widely on social media. Upon hearing of the same, the judge asked the police to preemptively arrest the activists to avoid protests by such anti-national elements. Pre-emptive arrests have become the norm, after Munawar Faruqui was preemptively arrested for "conspiracy to tell jokes", which, while not defined by the Indian Penal Code, has made its way into the rule books based on judicial precedent. The police arrested up to 6 activists, but have not identified the author of the google document so far. The activists were denied bail by a different judge of the high court.
While this kind of decision is unprecedented, it is expected to have ramifications across the board within the Indian Judicial system, placing an additional onus on police and state prosecutors to arrest and try rape and murder suspects as early as possible. "The best time to arrest suspects is before they commit the crime. There is no second-best option. In fact, over the next few weeks, the Allahabad HC will take suo moto cognizance of this late arrests issue and release our report on the same. I am going to recommend that the police set up the Pre-Crime Division, just like in the film Minority Report," Judge Behera said while appearing on a panel for RealNewsTV. "This will also reduce the burden on the judicial system as documented by my colleague, Judge Someshwar, because the burden of proof on the prosecution disappears."
Police departments across the country have been inundated with tips regarding murders, as many individuals seem to be certain they can get away with murder and would like to see the police try to pin the charges on them with the new norms being enforced. "This is a very ridiculous move. We are chasing murder suspects with both arms tied behind our backs. But the problem is that saying anything could get us fired, or worse, arrested," a police officer said, on the condition of anonymity.
Numerologist charged with 13 counts of assault and battery requests additional charge.
Sex offender sentenced to 68 years of imprisonment requests an additional year
Pali, February 2021: Number Baba (name changed), until 3 months ago, was an honest numerologist conducting his practice in the city. On the 26th of January, Number Baba was caught participating in a street brawl cum lynching and promptly arrested by Pali Police, locally known as the Palice.
Ardent followers of Baba have taken to the streets and social media to protest and express their displeasure at the high-profile arrest. Media has been abuzz with stories of disruption of normalcy in the town. In the lead up to the trial, protesters claim the law has no standing to try a man of such scientific knowledge.
During the preliminary hearing on Wednesday, Number Baba pleaded innocence, but requested the prosecutor to add an additional charge to the 13 counts in his charge-sheet. He held that 13 was an unlucky number and that he would not win his case otherwise. While the prosecutor and the judge laughed and consequently ignored him, he tried to forcefully get another charge by attempting to beat up the stenographer in the court.
"That was our ploy all along," said the defence lawyer in the press conference after the hearing. "Laws and courts are mere acute peculiarities in front of the vast expanse of knowledge of numerology."
The judge held Number Baba in contempt of court for causing disturbance in the court proceedings and cancelled his bail. Baba's numerology services still remain active through Signal and Telegram. (For latest active phone numbers and domains, click here.)
"We are confident that Number Baba will be let off soon," said his assistant, Numeral Kumar (number changed), optimistically. "We have the numbers on our side."
The Grimes’ Definition of the Week
Embezzlement: When your friend is a coordinator in the college fest, so you get all the tees and tickets for free. Commonly confused with friendship.
Hambani Kahle,
momo & eggsy